Mine is bigger than yours.
Is it in us on a cellular level that we have this urge to compare? Or is it a left over animal instinct when being the first to eat in a pack meant power and a better chance of survival? Anyone sensitive enough to consider sharing with others would have not survived.
Like then, nowadays sharing is not condoned. It’s more important how big of a house and car we own than how many people we are helping. Appearance is still everything and powers the ultimate goal. Nobody really talks about his or her finances unless speaking to a loan officer. Projecting an image of success in front of us, like a shield to hide behind, everyone seems fine. Are we? Is working hard in one or two jobs, credit card bills, climbing up the ladder and ‘making it’ taking a toll? Are we a bunch of zombies with goals outside of our control but dangling just close enough in front of us to keep us motivated? Who is gaining from this? We aren’t.
Men’s high chance of heart attacks is probably because of them being at center of this meal-providing chase, having to push down doubt and feelings of inadequacy, until their heart finally breaks. Women’s high rate of cancer, especially cervical, points to how unfulfilling a life as a second-class citizen and in service to the family without hope of self-fulfillment can be.
In effect, we all fill roles and comply until death. Or until a mini-death like a serious illness or life-threatening event induces change. A work accident, when a concrete truck ran over my Jeep with me in it, prompted me to accept companionship into my life and to look for a strong mate. Few years later, thyroid cancer made me mute for half a year and jumpstarted me to write and to tell my opinions uncensored.
Living without a muzzle took time to adjust to. I always had opinions but only when they solidified in a peanut-size malignant cornel on my trachea threatening my life, did I find the courage to voice them freely. It is life altering when surviving a brush with death. Puts life into perspective. Now that I have survived, will I want to spend the valuable time I have gained, my second chance, on something so-la-la or will I make it count?
Why do we have a feeling of endless time anyway? We feel we can do everything later, be ourselves later, seek fulfillment later. Life threatening events give a boost of courage and, amongst all the adrenaline, afford us a glimpse of who we really are and what we want to do. Some find themselves in the quiet and internally directed way of meditation. Others through counseling. I needed that big jolt of seeing a concrete truck barreling towards me. Looking death in the eye.
Now, that was impressive. Far more impressive than a big mansion, more powerful than rich and powerful people, more energizing than societal and family expectations. Who cares if I am smart, talented, attractive, successful or look younger than I am? It’s not important anymore. And if I don’t care and don’t give it power, it doesn’t exist. Sounds like a fortune cookie wisdom but actually it’s true. If you don’t give it energy it ceases to exist in your thoughts and your facade melts away to reveal the real being beyond belongings and posturing. And ‘Mine is bigger than Yours’ is not needed anymore and transforms into an unapologetic ‘I am who I am’.
Don’t wait! Do it now!
It took them all day to fill their enormous tanks.
