Ironing Out the Kinks.
Most of you wonder probably how does one live on a small sailboat with a partner. And then to go cruising and to be together all day, every day. Especially on passages and at anchor the boat is all you have. You can retreat to the v berth, which is hot during summer days or to the bow, and one of you can be in either spot, upstairs and downstairs, if you will, and have the feeling of distance. And only a feeling it is, because you are in this together.
For better or worse, it will challenge you and your relationship. But mostly you and because sailing and cruising is not easy to adjust to, it will challenge every fiber of your being and character. You will notice parts in your personality not yet known to you. You might phantasize of being this calm and collected person in the face of adversity, but this will rattle you enough that all your preconceptions fly out of the window.
Might not happen to you, but that happened to me. I though, I could handle this and I should be able to. And I am, but for now, not very well. The heat is doing me in. Every moment I am involved in caring for my existence. Energy, water, food, sleep, transportation and the boat all depend on us caring for a system providing it, a system which can brake or not work. That put’s me on edge. I am not used to this kind of level of dependence. Actually it is independence, but I am not good at it yet, so I feel my dependence, feel vulnerable, because I am. Would be silly not to. I need time to learn this, get comfortable with all systems on board, what could brake, how to fix it, prepare for if it can only be fixed in the next port.
Intellectually I had it all figured out. The reality of this reality is another thing. It is very stressful and I climb a steep learning curve until it becomes second nature. Until then I stress out easily, still on edge. Sleeping at anchor, with anchor alarm and all, is still not restful. Winds are blowing at night, the constant movement of the boat keeps me alert.
Not so easy for a relationship to handle that kind of a challenge. Going ashore, walking a beach, going sometimes into a marina and town, give us a break. Actually not really, in towns we provision, in marinas we top up tanks, clean, fix, adjust, only the beaches we visit at anchor and passages give reprise.
Don’t misunderstand me, I like this life. I am committed. I am only describing the reality of how a person feels and gets there, who likes to think she has her life under control. And doesn’t do so well with vulnerability.
That is the challenging part on a voyage like this. Not the relationship, but the personal growth. In ironing out my own kinks, I am ironing out the kinks between my partner and me. It’s all connected and may a stronger connection rise out of this!